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Round 4 and more

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Mar. 7th, 2007 | 04:45 pm

This is my hell week. The worst I've had and will have through this whole ordeal.

Anyway, I know I've had a lot of people calling, commenting, and emailing and I'm sorry you haven't heard from me (and may not). Monday was all day chemo again (only two more to go!), but Tuesday I had to go under general again for a minor surgery to place the "guide" in place for my internal radiation (which I also got yesterday) and I was pretty much out of it all day and night into today. Then more external radiation today. The rest of this could be gruesome, so if you don't want to read it, just don't click on the read more link and skip to the end. You've been warned.


The internal radiation (also known as brachytherapy and in my case HDR- high dose radiation) was every bad thing I imagined and then some. Let's just say by the end of it when they were removing the "packing" from entire body cavity (or so it seemed) even the morphine wasn't enough to take the egde off. Not that I even had that much morphine at that point anyway because it had been administered 4 hours before.

To sum it up it was like some magician's trick in a horror film involving the removal of knotted together handkercheifs with lots and lots of blood and an overwhelming feeling of nausea for dramatic effect. Ironic that everything that is so awful around this therapy is prep/removal, but the actual damn therapy only takes about six minutes. The calibration and first time set up took almost four hours yesterday. The radiation therapist today assured me that it gets easier each time, but it still takes two hours of prep (and the magician's trick at the end with no pain killers) for the normal six minute treatment. I have four more of these and am fully aware that I will have to steel myself for each one.


And this is hell week because for this particular week I have to go through this again on Friday. Two HDRs in one week plus all day chemo on Monday, external radiation Wed. and Thurs. (which are the days my chemo side-effect kick in, so I'm pretty much in bed all day) and then after a two day recovery over the weekend it's back to Chemo on Monday, but at least I won't have to go through another HDR until next Friday.

I know that this sounds bad and honestly up until yesterday I thought I might be blowing how much this sucks out of proportion, but not anymore. I know I only have a few more weeks and then one week of recovery before going back to work and I will get through it. But, I am tired now. And I am sore. And I'm wearing down very quickly. And I need to accept it and allow myself this time to process however my body/mind/spirit needs to process this. And part of that may just be not talking to anyone for a while and if that's the case please don't take it personally.

And for those of you who expressed concern over my last post regarding Heather and I, don't worry, we've talked and processed and all is well. We're strong that way :)

So, that's week four. I'm going to sleep now. I hope every one else is doing well and thank you for all of your support.

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Comments {5}

ethan

(no subject)

from: alextea
date: Mar. 8th, 2007 02:48 am (UTC)
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I Hope these treatments go by quickly for you and that the pain is kept from getting bad.


Please know I read, and while I don't always have the words to post, you are in my thoughts and I am sending you my best wishes.


Drew

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love

from: anonymous
date: Mar. 8th, 2007 03:26 am (UTC)
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Shawnie,
This sounds awful. i'm going to start writing you that heartfelt, witty goddam letter tomorrow...I swear it. You're in my thoughts and I know all this hell is going to be worth it.
Love,
Lorax

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Wintry Mix

Re: love

from: snakeyesboy
date: Mar. 8th, 2007 06:53 am (UTC)
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I've been thinking of you a lot. I am so glad this is almost over.

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Wintry Mix

Re: love

from: snakeyesboy
date: Mar. 8th, 2007 06:53 am (UTC)
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Whoops that was meant to be a reply to the original post.

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One Tough Bald Redhead!

from: anonymous
date: Mar. 9th, 2007 12:58 pm (UTC)
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Shawn,

Your strength and courage through this hell should inspire us all. The average human being would be a whiney mess, while you remain confident, courageous, positive and most of all humorous.

The body is a mere shell holding who we really are inside. Your true self shines right through you!

Keep it up, as they say "this too shall pass". This will make you stronger than you've ever been-if that's even possible.

Know you are loved and encouraged throughout this by many.

Auntie Kim (NEVER call me that)

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