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Apr. 17th, 2007 | 03:30 pm

Again, it's been a while and I realized that some people actually do read this. Mostly it has been brought to my attention with people calling and emailing me (with increasing panic as each day passes) saying, "Um, are you okay?!" The answer is yes, YES I am okay.

I'm actually back at work now. My first day was yesterday and I have to say my energy level is really up. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I am back among the living as opposed to sitting in my house staring at the dogs. Or, more accurately, them staring at me. So, work has been good. We had pie to celebrate my coming back. I know they appreciate me here, but I think that we all always seem to be looking for any reason to have a pie. Or three.

South Padre Island was fairly fun. We only had one or two days of really good weather, but we got to see sea turtles (at a rescue facility) and dolphins (in the wild) and went on the beach a few times. Ultimately it's still Texas, but hey, at least it was vacation :)

I think everyone (including me) is finally happy to let out the deep breath that was inhaled about four months ago when my initial diagnosis came in. I'm still recovering and the side-effects from radiation and chemo are lessening though they are definitely still happening. All in all though my life is somewhat returning to normal on a physical level.

On an emotional level I've realized that I should probably start looking for a therapist. It's not that anything too crazy is going on or anything really bad, but more that I've realized that I have a lot of stuff surrounding this round with cancer and a lot of distrust/anxiety about it returning or about not surviving more than five years.

It's an unfortunate thing that dying in the next 3-5 years is a real possibility (though certainly not likely) and something I actually do need to consider. As you can probably guess (and may be feeling yourself) this is not a popular subject with Heather, friends, and family. So, I think it may be best to pay somebody to listen to me sort it all out for myself. Plus, I'm starting to have those feelings of "I need to change some things about my life" and need to sort those out too.

So, that's where I am right now. Thank you again to all of you that have hung in here with me thus far.

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Comments {5}

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from: hetalksinmaths_
date: Apr. 17th, 2007 10:14 pm (UTC)

glad to hear an update from you, and glad to hear that you're back to work! take care of yourself.. and a therapist sounds like a great idea. it's always good to have a supportive professional around when there is "big stuff" going on in your life.

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from: alextea
date: Apr. 18th, 2007 03:45 am (UTC)

I'm glad to hear you are feeling better and doing well. I think a therapist sounds like a very good idea, goodness knows you've been through the wringer with things lately.

Best wishes and continued healing : )

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from: matthew_ron
date: Apr. 18th, 2007 11:59 am (UTC)

YAY!!!! From being back !!!! I'm glad you finish with the treatments!!! Therapist sounds like a good idea, ur family and gf might not wanna hear about death and possibilities of recurring or what not but doesnt mean you dont need to vent about it and talk about it and stuff.

Take care of yourself man!!! Be good to yourself!!!

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from: loyal_blood
date: Apr. 19th, 2007 03:26 pm (UTC)

Hey, good to see you, buddy!

unfortunate that the weather was so-so in south padre and that must have limited your cabana boy-ing.

did you get the package?!?

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Happy to hear from you...

from: carmel71
date: Apr. 25th, 2007 12:19 pm (UTC)

I am so happy to know that you are fairing well! What a huge experience you are plowing through...........and you did plow right on through!!! I wish you wellness in your recovery and do hope you find yourself a caring therapist to help you move on from this space. And Shawn, who you kiddin, you're going be around for at least the next 50 years,.....-so that someday, we will actually visit one another and just hang out in whatever state it is that one of us is living in!!!... Oh, and you should have headed more south down to the Gulf of Mexico, to Florida........where we could showed you a real good time (no weather permitting!!) :) Maybe another time!!! Lots of love sent your way........-carmel

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